Lately I've been thinking about how life has a way of working out. So many little parts and pieces, isolated from the fabric that makes up my life, seem sad. However, even disappointments, and yes, even losses, have a way of making sense, of giving meaning to life, and they help us to look for doors that may otherwise have gone unnoticed.
In 2002 I fell in love with a little Pomeranian named Taz. I loved that dog, and in my heart he belonged to me. It was the same time Coral came to me. Ed did not want to keep either dog, both fosters. However, Coral was mine, mine, mine, and of course, stayed. I have often wondered why I didn't fight Ed and keep Taz, too. It wouldn't have been the first time I went against him and insisted on a new addition. In eleven years of rescue, the only time I cried with an adoption was with Taz. I sat on the kitchen floor and sobbed the night before he went to his new home. The bizarre thing is the home I left him at is not one I would normally have approved. Why did I do it? There were lots of reasons, mostly the recommendation of my veterinarian. Sadly, Taz got out of the yard multiple times. The last time resulted in his tragic death, as he was attacked by a coyote. I never thought I could get over that, and somewhat blamed Ed. I know Ed felt bad, and said I could some day have a Pomeranian of my own.
On January 1, 2006, I met a woman who wanted to surrender a Poodle and a Pom. Liz was out of town, so I thought I'd pick up the dogs, and if I liked them, would foster them and maybe even keep the Pom! It was just about the right time. However, it was the Poodle, Scooter, that captured my heart. I often wondered if giving up Taz was part of a larger plan for my life. If I'd kept him, would I have been motivated to take in a Pomeranian and Poodle? What would my life be like now if I hadn't met Scooter and become a Poodle person?
I think Poodles have saved my sanity. They were certainly an extremely healthy distraction during the course of 2006, the most stressful year of my life. It was the year Mom declined, and was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died three weeks later. It was in that same month that we had a horrible state survey. That was the same year the Board lost confidence in my abilities, although I'd handled each area of my job appropriately and just didn't have the finesse and skill at giving the appropriate "spin" to describe what was going on. In a word, 2006 was sheer and utter hell. Scooter, and then Chelsea, made it bearable.
In 2007 it became obvious that I needed to wind down the rescue. It was a very, very difficult thing to do, but by the time I'd decided I was so burned out that even meeting a family for an adoption caused me great anxiety and I had Ed do several of the final adoptions. The very last dog in the program was "Lola," a Standard Poodle.
Oh, how I had wanted a Standard. I didn't think I'd ever find a young Standard that would be safe with my pack of small dogs, so I adopted what was supposed to be a 7 year old Standard male, Seamus, and he turned out to be a very ancient boy. At the time I adopted him, "Lola" and her littermate "Marley" were living in my kennel, waiting for a home of their own. Marley found his home, and I thought Lola did as well. However, Liz did a number on me. She found out the name of the person who was adopting Lola, contacted her directly, and instead placed her own Standard there. I was livid.
Four months came and went, and Lola was still with me. I adopted out the rest of the foster dogs, and simply didn't have the heart to keep Lola isolated by herself in the kennel. Ed said she could come in the house while we looked for a home for her. It took all of two hours for me to realize "Lola" was never leaving me. Lola is now Daisy, and my very best friend in the whole world. We spend more time together than I do with any person or any other creature. We play agility, we cuddle, we talk to each other.
This evening I realized that the 11 years I spent in rescue were all worth it. It was difficult, it was grueling, and it was very, very stressful. The last 15 months dealing with Liz were especially rough, knowing her dishonesty. But now I have to thank her. Had she not pulled the rug out from under me, Daisy could have been with that woman, who turned out to be quite nasty, and who gave away a Standard that she adopted from someone else. God is Good! Through the twists and turns of life, even in events that were extraordinarily painful, He has shown his plan, and Poodles and Daisy were a part of it! I walk around my house and my property, and I feel so blessed. My life is not always easy, but it is VERY GOOD.
No comments:
Post a Comment