They're HERE!

Well, we left to Napa on Saturday and didn't get back until last night, Thursday. Six agonizingly long days and all I wanted to think about was DOGS! Especially my potential BC puppy, and was so worried the litter would be small and I would have to find a different breeder. (thought I was #6 on the list, but was actually #7.) Thankfully, my agony ended Wednesday. Seven Black and White pups were whelped, four boys and three girls, and since two families only wanted red puppies, they withdrew. Sooo....I am guaranteed a puppy! Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here's a picture that Angie (breeder) sent last night. The pups were only 24 hours old.

A Border Collie for me??

I'm so excited I can hardly think about anything else. Since December, I've gone back and forth, back and forth and back and forth some more. Should I get another dog or not? After Coral died, my heart ached for another Golden. But I just didn't think that was going to be the right agility dog for me, and that's what I wanted next. I figured I'd get Daisy to trial, get more training under our belt, and then we'd start the serious puppy search, likely for a Standard Poodle.

Until Sunday. Our evening agility lesson should have been perfect. The weather was good. I had good treats with me. I was revved up and energetic and thinking positively. And Daisy just sat there. Didn't want out of her crate. Didn't even want to do circle work or hand taps. Certainly had no drive or motivation to work on our handling.

I knew it was time...for another dog. Stacy kept talking to me about Border Collies, and I just thought of them as neurotic, wild, out of control dogs. A blast on the agility field, but not as a house pet. Except her Jib and Keen are so wonderful, I kept considering it in the back of my mind. Stacy told me about a litter that is due NOW (yahoo!), and Ed said he would only consider a non-poodle as he's afraid I'd have the same issues with a Poodle as I did with Daisy and Chloe.

So....I have a deposit on a Border Collie puppy. The litter should be born in the next week, and ready to go home mid-July. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!

Triumph in the face of adversity

This past month has been very, very rough. It's been a rough spell at work, compounded by what I'm sure is my own hypersensitivity and irrational thoughts secondary to perimenopause. Needless to say, I've resumed progesterone cream and DHEA. My last posts are very helpful - even though it was talking about dog agility, when we go through valleys in other areas, it strengthens us and causes us to reach outside of our comfort zone.

My other loss occurred two weeks ago on Friday, February 20th, with the loss of my precious Coral Annie. She was the last of my Goldens, and I miss her so much. Attached are pictures of my girl through the years.

Everything works together for good

Lately I've been thinking about how life has a way of working out. So many little parts and pieces, isolated from the fabric that makes up my life, seem sad. However, even disappointments, and yes, even losses, have a way of making sense, of giving meaning to life, and they help us to look for doors that may otherwise have gone unnoticed.

In 2002 I fell in love with a little Pomeranian named Taz. I loved that dog, and in my heart he belonged to me. It was the same time Coral came to me. Ed did not want to keep either dog, both fosters. However, Coral was mine, mine, mine, and of course, stayed. I have often wondered why I didn't fight Ed and keep Taz, too. It wouldn't have been the first time I went against him and insisted on a new addition. In eleven years of rescue, the only time I cried with an adoption was with Taz. I sat on the kitchen floor and sobbed the night before he went to his new home. The bizarre thing is the home I left him at is not one I would normally have approved. Why did I do it? There were lots of reasons, mostly the recommendation of my veterinarian. Sadly, Taz got out of the yard multiple times. The last time resulted in his tragic death, as he was attacked by a coyote. I never thought I could get over that, and somewhat blamed Ed. I know Ed felt bad, and said I could some day have a Pomeranian of my own.

On January 1, 2006, I met a woman who wanted to surrender a Poodle and a Pom. Liz was out of town, so I thought I'd pick up the dogs, and if I liked them, would foster them and maybe even keep the Pom! It was just about the right time. However, it was the Poodle, Scooter, that captured my heart. I often wondered if giving up Taz was part of a larger plan for my life. If I'd kept him, would I have been motivated to take in a Pomeranian and Poodle? What would my life be like now if I hadn't met Scooter and become a Poodle person?

I think Poodles have saved my sanity. They were certainly an extremely healthy distraction during the course of 2006, the most stressful year of my life. It was the year Mom declined, and was finally diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died three weeks later. It was in that same month that we had a horrible state survey. That was the same year the Board lost confidence in my abilities, although I'd handled each area of my job appropriately and just didn't have the finesse and skill at giving the appropriate "spin" to describe what was going on. In a word, 2006 was sheer and utter hell. Scooter, and then Chelsea, made it bearable.

In 2007 it became obvious that I needed to wind down the rescue. It was a very, very difficult thing to do, but by the time I'd decided I was so burned out that even meeting a family for an adoption caused me great anxiety and I had Ed do several of the final adoptions. The very last dog in the program was "Lola," a Standard Poodle.

Oh, how I had wanted a Standard. I didn't think I'd ever find a young Standard that would be safe with my pack of small dogs, so I adopted what was supposed to be a 7 year old Standard male, Seamus, and he turned out to be a very ancient boy. At the time I adopted him, "Lola" and her littermate "Marley" were living in my kennel, waiting for a home of their own. Marley found his home, and I thought Lola did as well. However, Liz did a number on me. She found out the name of the person who was adopting Lola, contacted her directly, and instead placed her own Standard there. I was livid.

Four months came and went, and Lola was still with me. I adopted out the rest of the foster dogs, and simply didn't have the heart to keep Lola isolated by herself in the kennel. Ed said she could come in the house while we looked for a home for her. It took all of two hours for me to realize "Lola" was never leaving me. Lola is now Daisy, and my very best friend in the whole world. We spend more time together than I do with any person or any other creature. We play agility, we cuddle, we talk to each other.

This evening I realized that the 11 years I spent in rescue were all worth it. It was difficult, it was grueling, and it was very, very stressful. The last 15 months dealing with Liz were especially rough, knowing her dishonesty. But now I have to thank her. Had she not pulled the rug out from under me, Daisy could have been with that woman, who turned out to be quite nasty, and who gave away a Standard that she adopted from someone else. God is Good! Through the twists and turns of life, even in events that were extraordinarily painful, He has shown his plan, and Poodles and Daisy were a part of it! I walk around my house and my property, and I feel so blessed. My life is not always easy, but it is VERY GOOD.

SUCCESS!

Hard to believe two weeks ago I was in the depths of despair and discouragement. I'd met a huge valley in our training, and couldn't figure out where I'd gone off track. Stacy, however, is right - when we have set backs, they are blessings, as they force us to seek out answers and make us stronger. That is certainly this case in this instance. We've had some of our best success in the last two weeks, and the biggest success is in my relationship with Daisy. I can't even begin to describe the relationship I have with this big Poodle. I love her so and she has my heart.

The remainder of this post was prepared to submit to SG's blog, asking people what sets them apart from big name competitors. In the end, I decided not to submit it. However, thought I'd blog it myself!
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I had no intention of adding yet another post to this very popular blog topic. After all, I have very little in common with world competitors. Well, maybe one thing. Possibly two, but that’s getting ahead of myself.
Neuro-typical individuals (interpretation – “normal people”) might say my single-minded determination and focus on one subject, one goal, one hobby, one interest, to the exclusion of all else, is pathological. I’ll admit, it does set me apart from most people. But this ability to focus has served me well in both my professional career and any other interests I have. It is this ability to direct all one’s energy towards a goal that makes serious athletes successful and sets them apart from the would-be competitors. For me, my interest in agility has turned into an all consuming passion. I have spent thousands of dollars on private lessons with the best trainer in my state. I’ve purchased thousands of dollars of agility equipment so I can practice in my own yard. Of course, one cannot be serious about critiquing one’s own performance without a video camera, so that has been among one of my recent purchases. When my two-year old PC was already outdated and couldn’t handle multimedia tasks, another couple of grand was shelled out for a brand new computer.

The price to “play” agility has not been limited to monetary expenses.

Last year my family and I were planning to vacation out of state. I could not fathom taking that time away from my dogs, and when I learned that both Greg Derrett and Susan Garrett were going to be doing seminars in my area, I bailed on the vacation and gave it away to a very happy co-worker! (My husband wasn’t quite as happy, I’ll admit.)

Yes, the agility bug has bitten me hard. I have every book and DVD you’ve done (okay, I’m still waiting for the 2x2 DVD- just ordered!), and am accumulating a collection of others from well-respected trainers.

Training for agility has literally begun invading my dreams. I came up with some great approaches to a current training issue the other night!
When I finally begin to trial and get my first Q, I know I will cry. Someday when we begin to earn titles, I will be elated (and cry some more). When we make it to the Nationals (gotta dream big!), I’ll have to come up with another goal.

You can see I’m determined and focused on becoming competitive in world of dog sports, and I have faith in myself and my dog that we can do this. It doesn’t matter that this is my first time as a handler, or that my dog needs some “polish” to shine on course. We WILL be successful!

All of that drive, all that determination, and that compelling fire in my belly to succeed in dog sports pales in comparison to my biggest goal.

At the end of the day, it won’t matter how many ribbons we have. My dog won’t care how many titles I can print after her name in my email signature line. She’s not going to care whether we ever make it to a trial or only practice in our backyard.

I know I’m competing with the “big guys” on nights like tonight when my dog waits on the bathmat outside the shower stall while I’m cleaning up. I’ve succeeded in my dog’s eyes when she revels in our play time, then contented and worn out, curls up next to me on the couch when watching TV in the evening. Later, she follows me to snuggle in bed for the duration of the night. When my dog freely and of her own choice gives up her former pleasures just to share time with me, and finds such joy and utter exhilaration in doing so, I know beyond a doubt that if we were never to trial, if we never earn a single title or play agility outside of our own yard, we’ve truly MADE IT!

Agility progress

I'm finally back in the swing of things after having a mostly agility-less month of November! Ed got my patio up and lights so I can practice after work. It's so cool! He's going to install some more so that I have less shadows. Here is a video of Daisy and I practicing last weekend (during the day):



I had a lesson last Friday evening and then went to an agility trial to watch Stacy last Saturday. Tonight I have another lesson, and am going to Stacy's in the morning for a handling seminar. Then we'll be going from Stacy's to Long Beach to watch the Agility Invitational, then to dinner with Kati, and then to Ontario to pick up Ed's mom from the airport. It will be a long couple of days (but fun!) for sure!

A Thankful Time

Hard to believe it's been more than a month since I last posted. It's been a very good month, and I had a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Here is a picture we took last weekend of the three of us. I am definitely thankful for my family!



My dad has been coming around nearly every weekend, or at least every other one, and was here for Turkey Day. Even greater, Kati and Suzanne came. It was the first time they were here for a holiday since Mom died, and it felt GREAT. It was the best Thanksgiving I'd had in four years.

While I didn't get much agility training in during November (was sick, injured my hamstring, end of daylight saving's time), I'm picking up speed again! Ed and Dad put in a patio cover over the concrete slab in what is now my agility yard, and Ed installed three floodlights. I need about five more to have adequate light, but this is a great start. I was able to practice just fine with what I have now, and the extras will just be a bonus.

Last night the girls and I had an agility lesson, and all I can say is each and every time I walk away thinking WOW, how gifted Stacy is in her teaching. She is able to cue right into where I've slacked off in my practice/training, and knows how to fix the issues. I think Daisy is really going to do well. I just have to work extra diligently on the obstacles, but I have no doubt we'll get there. The jury is still out on Chloe. She is still so timid in new situations, and frightened at Stacy's. Unlike Daisy, I've not been able to find her "happy/on" switch. I'm going to keep training her regardless, as she sure enjoys it at home. As I told Stacy, most of what I am enjoying is the improved relationship with my dogs. Playing agility is just the icing on the cake!

Today we went to an agility trial in San Diego. Was so awesome watching the dogs and learning! Got to spend some time with H & M from AgilityPoodle, and that was really neat to visit.

iPhone Addict

Friday I visited one of my staff members in her cubby, and she had the cutest little phone on her desk. An iPhone. I fell in love. Had to have one. Came home with one Friday night. Yes, I'm a tech junkie. I crave the latest and greatest do-dad. Worse than most any man.

Oh boy am I having FUN with it! Took it with me to the agility trial on Saturday, and it was really helpful in downloading directions when we were on the wrong freeway. Really cool! This evening I'm downloading music videos to play on it. I've been texting and using it for email most of the day. Yup, I'm addicted.

Lizard hunters!

This morning the dogs spied a lizard on the outside window screen. It provided quite a bit of entertainment! Max kept pawing at the window, while Daisy was licking at it!

Fall blessings!

Today is officially the first day of fall. There's just something about knowing summer is over; the cool, crisp mornings, milder days, and less hectic weekends (usually!) is comforting. I look forward to evenings by the fireplace, cuddling with the Fabulous Five (poodles) with a good book. More than that, this year, I reminisce about where I was twelve months ago, and I know I am blessed.

Last year this time I was going through sheer and utter hell. Not only was the board displeased with me, but I had personnel issues and thought it was time to find another job. I came close to leaving the Agency, and I am so thankful I didn't.

Here I am, one year later, and I feel like I have OVERCOME! The Board, while still working to regain trust in me, seems to be pleased with my contributions to the Agency. The co-workers with whom I had difficulty are no longer with the organization. Problematic direct reports have either moved on by their own accord, or were helped to realize this was not the right "bus" for them. Peace is restore. More than that, I work for an awesome CEO,and last week I was formerly promoted to Vice President. I feel like I am in the right place, at the right time, and all the trials I've been through in the last two years have led to the point in my life. Not only is my professional life in line, but my personal life is also going well. The rescue is closed, it appears I've found another to take it over. I have my own Poodles and have my agility addiction. Things are great I home with my family, and my relationship with my sister has been restored. I can't think of anything to make my life more full. I am truly and utterly blessed.

The Dynamic Daisy Duo - We're Smokin'!

We're doing it! Daisy and I are coming together as a team! She's playing more, tugging more, and having FUN! :-) Right now I'm reading some books that Stacy recommended by Jane Savoie. They are LIFE CHANGING, and talks about the psychology of sports, of thinking positively, of living "as if" you already have the behavior/trait/confidence/whatever that you desire. So, I'm imagining Daisy already being a tug fanatic, imagining myself as the next S.G., and going for it! I have seen a tremendous difference in Daisy's response to me and in our relationship. I LOVE IT!

Driving Miss Daisy

Last week's agility lesson was eye opening. I finally 'got it.' I need to make play/tug times an "event," and I am now seeing success in my play with Daisy. However, Monday I was ready to throw in the towel. I could not get Daisy to play on Sunday or Monday. She stood in the crate and wouldn't exit. By the time Ed got home from work, I was literally in tears. I contemplated selling my agility equipment and trying for pet therapy instead. I emailed Stacy for some suggestions, and she said don't fret - hang in there. Well, Tuesday was MUCH better and Wednesday my Jane Savoie books arrived, talking about using imagery and acting "as if" you are whatever it is you are striving for. I am determined to be successful, and I am going to start putting to action the imagery to build my confidence. I am finally starting to have fun again, and my goal is to have mastered building the drive in Miss Daisy by November's Gregg Derrett seminar!

One year later - what a difference!

Carol, our CEO, knows how to say "thank you" in my own (Poodle) language! These flowers were delivered the day after our Hospice survey concluded. To say Carol has impressed me is a gross understatement. She is absolutely wonderful. I consider her both friend and mentor, as well as "boss."

Things are going well in other areas of work as well. The team is coming together, and we're having FUN!

Almost there!

What an agonizing couple of weeks it's been. First off, Ed left for Europe June 20th. He spent the first week in Claumel, Ireland, and then flew into Holland to be with his mom. His trip was depressing - no company in Ireland, and his mom was understandably depressed, having just lost Ken just a week before Ed flew out of the country. Ed's mood has been somber when I've spoken to him, and I have been in quite a funk myself. It has been nearly intolerable without him. It's scary thinking about how bland and boring my life would be if I lost him. He is my best friend and that was never more clear than when he left this time. I guess the difference is I used to be so busy with the dogs and rescue, and without that enormous commitment hanging over me, zapping the life out of me, I really feel alone when he's not here.

Things at work have been interesting. Challenging but very good at the same time. Fired my IT Manager for failing to pass his drug screening (should have been pre-employment, but was delayed), and the Hospice director quit. Yahoo! That brought some interesting dynamics, but we have weathered the storm and things are looking up. C is AWESOME. I am constantly impressed by her leadership style, her insight, her connections, the respect she has from both the board and leaders in the community. We are blessed, but most of all, I am blessed. She has made my life manageable and I again love my job.

Okay, I am happily on the way to the airport to pick up Ed. Oh yes...I've lost 10+ lbs! I'm now down to 149.5, and I'd gotten up to 163 at my peak. Still losing - want to get to 140-145. Almost there!

It's just life

Where to start? It seems like an eternity since I've really blogged.

Monday Henny called to let us know that Ken died. Ed already is scheduled to fly out to Dublin on Friday with a trip to visit his mom the following week. It was a blessing in so many ways how it all worked out - Ken died peacefully in Henny's arms at home, most likely due to stroke. She sounds like she's holding up okay. It was very serendipitous Ed is already going to be there in a matter of days. I'm sad for Ken of course, but this was a long time coming with all his health problems and in and out of the hospital non-stop.

Since I'd been pre-occupied with our financial status, Ken's death was a "wake-up-and-smell-the-roses" sort of event for me. We've sunk into the hole with our many home improvement projects. Starting with Peter's house, finishing our yard, installing the solar and buying down the loan, and a multitude of other smaller projects that have nickled and dimed us to death. This past weekend I did a proposed budget, and basically we need to focus on our bills for the next 24 months. No vacations, minimize all eating out, etc., and we should be pretty much debt free by Fall 2010, with the exception of our mortgage and my car payment. While it seems a little disappointing to not be able to take our weekend getaways or fly anyway, at the same time it is such a blessing. I love being home, and everything I want is right here. We have our own paradise right in our yard, pool, grass, garden areas, and my DOGS! What more can I want?

Things are excellent at work. D turned in her resignation on Monday, resolving one potential very large problem that I'd have when taking the COO position in the Fall. In addition, C is going to supervise LC, so that is resolved as well. Things should flow fairly smoothly when I take on my title/position.

Lastly, our agility training is so much fun. Daisy & I are learning so much together. We're bonding and she LOVES the training sessions at Stacy's, even doing "zoomies" now. I'm also learning how to turn her on at home. There's hope!

Progress

Well, I decided I do not want to be fat and have decided it is time for a CHANGE! I actually got up to 162 lbs, and am now down to just under 157. My clothes already fit better, and I'm starting to exercise on our newly purchased treadmill as well.

Things are going well with our agility training too. Daisy is doing well, and I'm really learning!

Fat, Forty & The Whole Darn Thing!

Here I am, 43, almost 44, and feel like I’m getting UGLIER by the day! To save on time, I cut my short hair even shorter, have the permanent make up and for all intents and purposes, wearing little else that is applied. The bad part, though, is my weight issue. I never thought *I* would have one, but I do. 159.1 lbs of problem. Moaning and whining doesn’t seem to make me lose weight, so I guess I will need to get motivated to 1) control my eating and 2) exercise (what a dirty word!).

On the agility front, I’ve officially decided Chloe is just going to be a happy pet, a couch POO-tato as someone said! She hates what should be fun foundation games, and is now rolling over on her back and refusing to play with me. She is introverted and no matter what I do, I’m not going to change her personality. Making her be social and play in public is like expecting me to want to make new friends at a bar. Ain’t gonna happen. In the meantime, however, Daisy is turning out to be a natural at the play games. I think she will be a great agility partner, so our private session with Stacy tomorrow will just be the two of us. I am so anxious to get started again!

It's a blessed life with dogs!

We've had a very bittersweet couple of weeks. On April 6th, we lost Seamus who was presumed to have hemangiosarcoma. He started bleeding internally and we had him put to sleep at the emergency clinic that Sunday afternoon. His ashes are now back with me, in the hutch with the other precious dogs we've lost through the years. There have been many other deaths locally and on my mailing lists, and the week really took it's toll on me. On Friday I was worn and we decided to head to San Diego with Scooter and Chloe to just get away. The picture on the left was the W Hotel.

Through all of this, I've realized how much the dogs pick up on my emotions. I was practicing agility, but more out of obligation. Chloe was NOT interested at all. She saw right through my fake energy/excitement. After a few days I realized the problem - she knew i didn't really want to play, so she didn't want to either. These dogs are so incredibly in tune to me. I love how I have an entourage wherever I go - five poodles and a golden who follow me everywhere!

Two other updates - I'm likely switching agility instructors. Cindy is ok, but WAY TOO FAST. She is already having us play games and we don't even know the terminology, the crosses, hardly anything. Chloe hates class and doesn't like to even get out of the car when we arrive. It finally hit me that this is not right. So I consulted with a trainer in Vista that was recommended by a gal on the mailing list, and have a private session for Saturday. Yippee! Stacy is very well known through the US and also writes for Cleanrun. I'm excited!

Also today I had permanent makeup applied - eyeliner. Can't wait to see what it looks like after the swelling goes down!

I FOUND IT!!!!

It's taken me 43 years, but I finally found the "group" I belong to.

AGILITY.

Tonight was Chloe's 10th week of class (or there-about). She is loving it and so am I. Our first four weeks was a semi-private session. She did okay there. However, our next class (Beginner Pre-Novice) was comprised of all large dogs and little 12 lb. Chloe. Two of the dogs were Standard Poodle pups and one was a big, goofy goldendoodle. She was soooo intimidated. We missed two classes due to an issue at work that involved surveyors, but we made it for the last session and were still ahead as the large goofballs are so easily distracted. Thankfully, Cindy added us to a small dog class that is actually bit ahead of us. Tonight was the first night and Chloe did GREAT! We were sequencing 6 or 7 obstacles that she did very well. By the time we got to 10, she was pretty pooped but overall did great for it being a more advanced class. I had more difficulty than she did! Best of all is the social factor with the group.

Finally, for the first time in probably my whole life (outside of work), I feel like I found a group of people I can relate to. They are dog people and there to have fun. Most are pretty casual and easy going, and most live locally. I've been trying to attend the trials too and those are really fun. For the first time in ages I can hang around people and just enjoy talking and it has nothing to do with what I *DO*, but just who I *AM*. It is sooooo refreshing and soooooo addicting. Considering that I have an addictive personality, this is dangerous! :-) Ed let me buy several pieces of agility equipment and I can't wait!

New truck and country nights

Amazing what turns me on. A very used but new to us Ford F250 v10 4x4 pick up! Yup, we are now able to haul lumber, purchase new plants, transport our recyclables and go to the dump! Oh yes, and i will be able to buy my new freezer for raw dog food too! I am one happy camper! It seemed like at every turn whatever project was stalled by not having a truck. I told Ed I wanted to pick up an older, used truck, but was dismayed at what I was finding for sale. Either way over-priced or else quite the junker, something I wouldn't want to be caught dead in. So I prayed. We spent Saturday looking at trucks at dealerships and didn't find "the one." Then Monday on my way to work I found it, parked in the mud on the side of Winchester Road. 1999, seemed immaculate at first glance, and 220K miles. It will be great for what we need, and we got it for $4400, about $2K under KBB. It's great it's 4WD as we have had a rainy winter, and our road is the worst it's ever been in the 9 years we've lived here.

With all of the rain comes happy frogs. This evening when i got home from work the dogs and I went walking around the property. AFterwards when we went in the main yard you could really them "talking" or whatever it is they do. It is so quiet (no barking) now it is WONDERFUL to be in the big yard. I love it!