WORN OUT!!!!!

I'm not sure when I've ever found myself more worn out, drained, used up, exhausted and spent than I am now.

Work is utterly exhausting. MB will not be returning to an ED position, and may in fact be entirely retiring. While we had prepared for this eventuality in a year, to have it happen now is enormous. I keep reminding myself that my work would be the same with or without her here as I already assumed responsibility for Hospice, but it feels completely overwhelming. I have CHAP, QAPI and PPS to work on all at the same time, and each is a very big project in and of itself. Add to that learning to work with the different managers and getting to know each person's style of communication, problem solving, etc, and there is simply nothing left of me emotionally at the end of the day. I've been consuming quite a bit of Cabernet in the evenings!

With the stress level at work, I just want entirely OUT of rescue. I am so done. Right now I have ten dogs in the kennels, and I'm paying Jeremy $50/week to do everything. The only time I'm even down at the kennels is on his school nights. The email is minimal at present, and the adoptions are slow. However, I just want to get the dogs all out and either scale back to 2-3 dogs, or quit entirely. Today I just want to quit, but I know when life is more balanced I will probably feel differently. What I'm battling, however, is the negative perception that cutting back causes with those whom I confide in. J had emailed me about two shelter dogs, and when I tried to explain I'm already over committed with work and then had 13 foster dogs at the time, her response was, "I hate it when I know they'll be put to sleep." She only fosters one or two at a time, I usually have 10-14 dogs, and so why should I feel bad if she doesn't want to personally take it on? It is frustrating. I am at the point, though, where I will need to decide what level of commitment I want to make to rescue, or if I am ready to call it quits. I am having so much fun with my own dogs and want to make them a priority, not run around trying to save the world.